Emotions
by Catnipisnotonfire12
Summary: DESTIEL TWO SHOT. Set pre Sacrifice. Dean has feelings for Cas. Cas has feelings for Dean. Simple, anyone would think. But sometimes Angel and Human emotions just aren't worth the trouble they cause. Then again - occasionally they are. Lots of references to Goodbye Stranger. R&R no hate please.
1. Chapter 1

**Emotions**

**DESTIEL TWO SHOT. Set pre Sacrifice. Dean has feelings for Cas. Cas has feelings for Dean. Simple, anyone would think. But sometimes Angel and Human emotions just aren't worth the trouble they cause. Then again - occasionally they are. Lots of references to Goodbye Stranger. R&R no hate please. **

**Hey :) Just a random two-shot I wrote whilst extremely tired and bored (therefore, this is terrible quality!) I don't own Supernatural, or Destiel would be canon by now :P**

Castiel had learned so much since meeting the Winchesters.

He'd rebelled against the only life he'd known, he'd been on top of the world, he'd been at the very bottom. At one point he even became God. But through it all he'd learnt emotions, thoughts, feelings, desires, preferences. Since the angel had been freed of Naomi's grasp, he had learnt what exactly those emotions _were. _  
Before, Cas had thought they were strange sensations, something from inside of Jimmy; his vessel, perhaps. Only once those 'strange sensations' had been taken away and replaced by Naomi's demands had he realized just what those feelings were.

At the centre of those emotions? Dean Winchester. His charge.

At first, Castiel hadn't known what broke him free from Naomi's will. He assumed it was the tablet, and kept it with him. When it was taken by Crowely, he realized it had to be something else - something that eluded him constantly. Till he noticed just how much he was prepared to do for Dean, even when there was no need to do it.  
Usually, there was an excuse. _Stop the apocalypse. Act as Michael's vessel. Help open Purgatory. Defeat the Leviathan. Free Dean from Purgatory. _Then those demands, under influence, became far more sinister. _Lie to Dean, leave out Dean...Kill Dean. _Then, there it was. Cas' true purpose overriding the system. _Save Dean. Protect my friend. _It was Dean, not the tablet, giving him his own free will.

Then the jealousy had started.

Castiel, now back with his own mind and will (something he had fought for in the beginning, yet often wondered if free will was worth anything at all, it made life far more complicated), began to notice Dean's smaller actions. Flirting, for one. He didn't like Dean hitting on strange women who he didn't know and had never benefited the hunter's life for the better. Why did she, the strange blonde or the tall girl or the talkative redhead in the miniskirt have more of a right to Dean's life and feelings than Castiel?

Angel emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.

**-LineBreaker- **

Dean Winchester had learned so much since meeting Castiel.

He'd learnt that angels existed, for one thing. And were usually just arrogant douche-bags who would stop a national disaster such as the Titanic sinking just because they didn't like the movie remake.  
But that was bottom-lining it. Dean had discovered that these pompous asses could feel; think for themselves. Hell, Dean had a sneaking suspicion they could even _love _to a certain extent; if they tried hard enough.

Dean never expected he'd be able to love an angel back.

Castiel had shown how much an angel could destroy or how much an angel could bring together if he'd had his mind set to it; if he believed enough in the cause he was fighting for.  
If he'd refused to kill Dean under Naomi's orders...Was Castiel that faithful in him? The pitiful human that had done as much bad as he had good. If not more.

At this thought, Dean's first instinct and thought was to get rid of Cas. Those closest to him always got hurt (though Castiel had been inflicted with enough pain thanks to Dean anyway), before he noticed just how...Unthinkable the thought of losing Cas was. After all they'd been through; the apocalypse, Heaven, Hell, _Purgatory, _the trials...Life without Castiel was darker than Dean wanted to admit. Hope was there with Cas around, and trust. Trust he'd never believed he would have with someone other than Sam - let alone a supernatural being.

Human emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.

**-LineBreaker-**

A night off of drinking and gambling was a rare thing these days, so Dean cherished them. Sure, for a hunter gambling was usually to earn the money they lived off (between credit card scams) and drinking was to drown out the crap going on around them, but they both took what leisure they could get.

Dean was talking to a brunette in a tight dress with, from what Cas could tell from her memories, an absent father and an autistic toddler named Tommy who's father was also in the lurch. As sorrowful her case was, this likely 'easy chick' (as Dean often described women at bars) wasn't a person Castiel wanted to talk to Dean.

Remembering that the truth is what got rid of a woman last time, he simply told her:  
"It's not your fault."

She stopped flirting with Dean mid-sentence and looked at Castiel with a confused expression, as if she'd forgotten he was even there. "What?"

"Your father walked out because of his unhappy relationship, not because you were a bad child. Also, you are not to blame for Tommy's condition, and I'm almost certain you will find his father with a positive DNA test soon."

Her expression turned from flirtatious and free to disgusted and ireful. She lifted her martini glass and threw what was left of it in Castiel's direction.  
"How the Hell do you know all that you freak? Stay away from me, both of you. I'll call the cops!" She stood up and ran away as quickly as she could in bright red stilettos that didn't fit her feet.

"Cas what the Hell?" Dean hissed, reaching for a tissue and flinging it at Cas so he could dry the alcohol caught on the side of his face. "What did I tell you about doing that? You know, pointing things out no human stranger would know!"

"She was trouble and you would forget her in the morning any how. Did you even know her name Dean?" Cas made no move to dry himself, it was no issue. Just a slight spill.

"Of course - Katy,"

The angel shook his head. "Kathleen, actually. Although she does prefer Kathy." Dean just shook his head, glaring at the floor - he didn't have the gall to glare at Cas - and stood up, making his way to leave. He didn't even bother to take his half-drunk beer.

"Who cares - it's just one letter. I-" _I won't remember in the morning anyway. _That was Castiel's exact argument, and Dean had nearly agreed with it.

"Look, we - as hunters dealing with crap bigger than average hunter crap - don't get to do much anymore. Jesus broads like her and bars like that are the only things that separate me from the trials and Sam's illness and the tablets and you going all robot on us again. Why'd you have to drag me back to that crap twelve hours earlier than scheduled?" He slammed the door shut, face flushing in the cool night air.

Before Cas could speak, Dean started his rant again. "I mean, why are you even here Cas? I've messed up your life more than any controlling son of a bitch angel upstairs, you don't even drink or get with chicks or anything-" Cas cut him off.

"For the record, I'm not - as you say - 'into chicks'."

Dean stopped for a moment, frowning, and Castiel saw that look Dean wore when he was re-thinking his entire life. He was tempted to look into Dean's mind, see his thoughts and try to understand his feelings, but Dean always hated it when he did that - and if there was one person's privacy he was going to respect, it was Dean's.

"Well, you don't get with guys or anything then. Just, what's the point in you sitting and watching me drink my life away just to wake up with a stupid hangover next to some random chick and memories of my entire crappy life. I know angels are different, but that sure as Hell doesn't sound like fun to me."

Castiel sighed, glad Dean was only slightly drunk - or he'd be impossible to deal with. Most other human's he'd have left alone by now, why was it so important to make sure Dean was OK? That he understood and wasn't mad with Cas? He stopped being Castiel's official charge when the apocalypse was stopped; when Sam fell into the pit.

"You're my friend, Dean. At least, I like to think so. Spending time with you is fun for me, even if your version of fun isn't healthy or wise in any way, shape or form."  
Dean stopped still for a second, leaning slightly on the Impala and wearing that thoughtful look he wore a moment beforehand. For a moment, Castiel was worried he'd said something unacceptable on human terms.  
"Was I insulting in any way Dean? I am terribly sorry."

The older Winchester shook his head. "Huh, no. That- that's not it Cas." He cocked his head to the side, wearing that cheekily smug smile Cas rarely saw. "You- you care about me don't you?"

_Caring. _That wasn't a human emotion Castiel had considered. _Ca-ring: Adjective. Displaying kindness and concern for others. _That sounded a lot like his relationship with his ex-charge.  
"Of course Dean, I would have thought that to be obvious."

"Well, that's cool to know. I guess I care about you too, Cas."

There was silence for a minute, and in that moment the reason they were outside fighting was forgotten.

Castiel, looking straight into his charges eyes, felt strange for a second. That strange sensation that, before he was controlled by Naomi, he dismissed as a problem with his vessel Jimmy. His heart was pounded, his hands were sweating and his thought process became mixed and confusing. He wanted to be closer to Dean, as if the meter gap between them wasn't close enough.  
"Cas I-"

But Cas, in a fit of panic and state of confusion, was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Enjoy :) I don't own Supernatural, or Destiel would be canon by now!**

**Emotions: Chapter Two. **

Dean had learnt so much since meeting Castiel.

Like how to trust a friend's advice - even if he had just bailed on you.

Instead of going back into the bar and drinking his confusion and pain away, he steered the Impala over the speed limit and back to the Men of Letters base. Sam was asleep, of course, head resting on the crumpled paper of a text book - hand sprawled across to the trash can's general area with a tissue tightly scrunched in his palm. Dean didn't even bother to check; he knew it was stained with blood.

"Had to fall asleep there, didn't you Sammy?" Dean grumbled, pressing a hand to his younger brother's forehead. He wasn't too hot, but as a precaution Dean hauled him out of his jacket.  
With all of his strength, Dean lifted his brother and carried (or more, half carried-half dragged) Sam to a sofa. Whether it was because his brother was a deep sleeper or he was too ill to wake up, Dean didn't know, but he had a feeling he could push him down a flight of stairs right now and Sam wouldn't stir.

"You'll do there for now Sasquatch." Dean muttered, heading to his bedroom. He removed his jacket and put on pyjama pants - but had no intentions of sleeping. In fact, he was contemplating going to the fridge and downing a six pack of beer - the only thought stopping him from doing that was the fact he could have just stayed in the bar if he was still planning to drink his pain away.

It was just _Cas. _Sure Cas had stopped him from getting lucky, but Dean could barely remember the girl's lipstick colour right now. She was a forgotten and distant memory already - Dean knew he wasn't feeling crappier than ever because of her.  
Castiel had flown off in a blur of black feathers before, joining Dean out of the blue then leaving unexpectedly.

The question was _why?_

Why did Castiel just randomly leave Dean - had he offended him? Did Cas think he'd offended Dean?

With no other options, Dean resorted to his usual method of reaching the angel.

"Hey Castiel - I'm guessing you're hearing this, but you're not going to show up. It's - it's cool. Whatever, just keep listening yeah? Did I say something Cas? Why'd you just leave? I don't care if I was complaining before about your presence. I..." He laughed breathily. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

That last bit was unexpected, Dean didn't even realize how that sounded till the words left his mouth. Yet, he didn't take it back.

Human emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.

**-LineBreaker- **

Castiel had learnt so much since meeting Dean.

The strange 'feeling's' (as Cas had eventually recognized them to be) had subsided, but his mind wouldn't wander from Dean. Nothing would distract him, not the tablet, not the fear of being controlled, not the trials. Just _Dean. _

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, a voice entered his head. "Hey Castiel - I'm guessing you're hearing this, but you're not going to show up." At that, Castiel felt a pang of guilt - there was no way he was going to go to Dean, even if he was pouring all of his attention into hearing and understanding the Winchester's prayer.

"It's - it's cool. Whatever, just keep listening yeah? Did I say something Cas? Why'd you just leave? I don't care if I was complaining before about your presence. I..." He laughed breathily. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

_That. _That was the thing that started up that feeling - his heart pounding and that ever demanding desire to be close to the troublesome human. Sometimes, Cas wished he could still be naive enough to be able to blame this sensation on his vessel.

Angel emotions weren't worth the trouble they caused.

**-LineBreaker-**

Both Dean and Cas had learnt so much since meeting each other.

It was late afternoon, and Dean's day had been uneventful. Sam had woken for a minute or two, but Dean refused to let him help in research for the mysterious tablet writer Metatron, instead pulling him over his shoulder and helping his younger brother hobble to his own bed; where he crashed out immediately - though Dean placed an ice-pack on his head for good measurer.

Dean was about to chug the rest of his half-drunk beer, when Castiel appeared before him.  
"Hello Dean."

"Son of a bitch" Dean cursed, clearly surprised at the angel's appearance. "What the Hell Cas, you can't just leave like that yesterday and suddenly show up. It's just not the done thing."

Cas cocked his head to the side. "I'm sorry if I'm not familiar with that particular human custom. I do believe it is at this point that I owe you an explanation,"

"Oh how nice of you to catch on," Dean mocked - scowling slightly.

Castiel offered Dean a confused tilt of the head before continuing. "You say angels cannot feel, correct?" Dean shrugged.

"Well, mostly. Then again, angels don't learn free will either yet here you are."

Unsure of what to make of that statement, Castiel pressed on. "Yet, my vessel cannot feel whilst I inhabit him."

This time it was Dean's turn to look bewildered. "Well, I guess not. Your point?"

"If it is not Jimmy, then I do believe I have been having odd feelings which confuse me. Since my freedom from Naomi, I believe these feelings involve you."

Dean stopped drinking his beer mid-swig, setting down the bottle and standing up. "Woah, woah. What exactly are you saying Cas?"

"Well, as I recall my time enslaved by Naomi, I remember the time when I was ordered to kill you. Prior to it, I was ordered to kill hundreds of fake Dean Winchester's, and in the end I was blindly killing you the way I killed brother Samandriel." Castiel looked shamefully downwards. "Something I regret deeply, I assure you."

"Who? Oh, Alfie. Yeah, look Cas you're confusing me." Dean said.

"When it came to killing the real you, however, I couldn't do it."

"You beat me up pretty good though," Dean muttered.

"Against my will. For once, I argued with Naomi. I couldn't do it - there was no way I was going to kill my friend. I'd smite myself. In the end, she gave me a choice. The angels, or you." He didn't dare meet Dean's eyes.

"Who'd you choose?" It was a stupid question.

"I believe it is obvious, judging by the fact you're still breathing."

There was a slightly awkward silence for a second, until Dean broke it. "This...It's all incredibly fascinating Cas, and you have no idea how that makes me feel." Dean didn't know either, actually. Happy? Relieved? Cared for? ...Loved? "But still, what has this got to do with your - uh 'odd feelings'. Oh, and just a reminder Cas, I don't do chick flicks, so stow whatever cutesy or sad crap there may be."

"Well, since then, I have realized these odd feelings are not because of Jimmy, but because I'm experiencing emotions the way a human would. When you are around worthless women feel enraged, when you are in danger I feel as frightened and as vulnerable as the time I discovered that my father could not be counted on for all the answers. When you tell me what I've done wrong I feel shame and when you praise me..." He shrugs. "That is what confuses me. My heart hammers wildly and my hands are beaded with sweat and I cannot think straight."

Cas stared at Dean, who looked as if he'd been hit by a freight train, and muttered:

"Please explain to me what is going on."

Dean began to stutter, as if he were a teenager again. "I- Cas...I...I..." Dean didn't want to say it. Have it said out loud. _Love. _Angels didn't feel that, and Dean sure as Hell didn't feel that for other guys!  
So why was Dean now so tempted to close the space between them and kiss him?

He smiled, but was unable to meet Cas' eyes. "This might make that feeling a bit better." He gave into temptation, walking forward and standing barely a centimeter from Castiel - his breath rebounding on the angel's skin.  
"Do you not care for personal space any longer?" Cas questioned, but instead of being graced with an answer, Dean closed that tiny gap between them - brushing his lips onto Cas'.

It took a second, but soon Cas' lips were working back in rhythm with Dean's. He felt as if the confusion, the self-torture, the emptiness and the mere unexplained _feelings _were explained and sated in that moment.  
Dean's reaction to his own actions? He'd felt a stronger connection than he'd ever felt with others. Not the chicks he'd pick up casually at the bar; Cassie; _Lisa. _Lisa was a distant memory compared to how this felt. Lisa he'd allowed Cas to wipe her memory with only a sore heart and emotional wounds that would heal. Losing Cas in this moment made Dean want to die all over again - as if the thought was too much to bare; which only made him kiss Cas harder.

When Dean pulled away for breath, he found it surprisingly easy to look in Castiel's eyes - he even mustered a smile that was, again to his surprise, genuine.  
Cas mirrored his actions instantly.

"How did you know that would work Dean?" Dean laughed slightly.

"Call it human instinct." With that, he leant forward again, feeling lighter and happier than he thought he'd be able to be considering his lifestyle.

Angel and Human emotions weren't worth the trouble they cause...Then again, sometimes they are.

**Reviews are love! **


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